OMFG

Ok so i am on maternity leave... that means that this baby is going to be here in six weeks :) arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I am so excited, scared, and all the other adjectives imaginable!!!!

9 weeks to go

Oh my friggin god... where did the last 31 weeks go, when did i become almost eight months pregnant!!!!!!

Today i am really emotional, i really am looking forward to meeting my little one and the reality doesnt scare me as much now, i just want to meet her!!!!!!

I want to feel the love, the frustration, the tiredness, all the things that being a mum entails, i know i am crazy but hey i am sure all new mums feel this way.

Anyway i suck at writing these blogs... so i will say bye bye for now...

Bubba loves ya

20 week scan

So we found out what the bean is and the sonographer was eighty percent sure we are having a little princess

Starting to feel like i bonding a bit with the baby now as she kicks a lot more.. or i can feel it more!!!

So half way there now!!!!

Cant sleep

Cant sleep, so bubs and are bonding :)

She/he just kicked me.. a nice little prod, twice in the same spot, gone quiet again now... seems to do it the most when i am chilled out on the computer....

Got my scan on tuesday now cause i had a major baby brain moment that i am so embarrsed about so we will no longer speak about it!!!

Dearest has finished the nusery so now it is my turn to get in there, and i cant wait!!!!

Things are a little weird between us at the moment, trying to find our groove i think... need to get the affection flowing again.

Well might try and sleep again now as it is almost midnight... xoxo

2 dats till the scan

Only two sleeps to go :) nervous and excited... always get nervous before scans.. and excited cause we are finding out the sex of bubalugs!!!

Been getting mroe bubbles and the occasional prod the last week.. its pretty cool... was really active today when i had heaps of sugar (naughty naughty mummy i am ) so been very quiet tonight

off to bed, re husbands orders.. even tho he is away i still listen to him!!!

I think we have a baby soccer player

So i have been just hanging out to feel some real movement from the littlebean the last few days, been getting the bubbles for a few days now but no real prods.... so i am sitting on the computer today and i feel a kick, so i put my hand on my tummy

IT GOT KICKED :) i sat there with this big grin on my face, then rang dearest and my mother!!!! I dont think they were as excited as i was :) but still it was sooo cool!!!!

I am starting to really feel like it is real now, not just this surreal dream i have been in, i mean my belly is getting bigger (and so is my backside according to my students) my boobs are hugemongus (well for me anyway) you would think it was feeling real for me, but still i am nervous about the whole thing!!! I am even putting off buying our big stuff till after the twenty week scan, we have had two very healthy scans... but no i am miss scardy pants!!!!

Ihave been such a slacko wife today, i really need a good hobby :) maybe i will go and buy some ingreadents tomorrow and do some baking!!! Going to mums for dinner i could take some dessert over!!! Now there is an idea.. then i am not sitting on my backside doing nothing!!

Ok my one or two readers signing off!!!

Did i tell ya i really felt bubs kick :)

Is it a boy is it a girl

Only a week till we find out!!!!

I really want bubs to be a girl, but if it is a little boy i will be happy too

I think i am starting to feel the little bean moving now, seem to get the bubble feeling at night and swear i got a boot today in the car!!!! Must be doing gymnastics and pusing off the walls.

Dearest has started on the nursery he has pulled up all the feral carpet and repainted etc the walls, he is tiling tomorrow, then i can get in there and make my nursery!!! How exciting.

I am soo over work, it is so draining at the moment, the end of the day comes and i am knackered!!

In saying that i am going to go plonk in front of the tv with a chocolate, kick hubby down the office to play guitar and watch So you think you can dance

Reality setting in

Yup the reality of having a midget soon is setting in!! We will be parents in 24 weeks, now that sounds like alot but really it isnt, considering the last 12 weeks have flown by i cant beleive that we will be parents so soon!!!

We went looking at cots today... i dont know if it is because dearest of mine isnt as excited or knows that i what i am like but i dont know if he is as excited as me :( it is so hard to tell with men sometimes... and really i want him to be as excited as me!!! Mind you he is the one that wanted to buy a baby mat which we did!!!

And then he talked about clearing out the back room as well so i guess he is excited i am just wanting him to jump around like me :)

The whole buyings things for the baby thing is hard when we don't know what sex it is!!! But i am going to a linen party today so hopefully i can find some unisex linen and feel like we are starting to get stuff!!!

Better go and feed me and the midget as i am hungry and i missed the window this morning and ended up feeling sick

Worst Blogger ever :)

Ok sooo i get the award for worse blogger ever. I havent up dated for over two months..

So what has happened in two months then

Well i am 15 weeks pregnant now :) yes alreaday i said to my loving other half on saturday.. Guess what 25 weeks left to our selves.. and he almost crashed the car :)

Belly getting bigger, although i keep asking for reassureance that it is getting bigger :) if you are intersted in checking out some pics, check out my face book page.

Anyway apart from the baby news.. Dearest loved one convinced me that we need a ski boat, so now sitting in our carport is our new (ok used) boat.. i must admit i do like it and it is handy having our own boat.. but dont tell him that!!!!

For a week or so there i lost my Dearest loved one but now the boat is up to his exacting standards and i have him back!!!

I promise to update more often ladies and keep you posted on the belly news..

love to all

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i am utd

Yup little bean is growing strong

and mummy is freaking the hell out... oh my god i am having a baby this weekend it is just all starting to feel real and to be honest it is scarying the absolute shit out of me :)

We have seen the little heart beating away all my bloods came back looking good, i have had no worries, no bleeding (crossing fingers it stays that way) and now i am just waiting for the next milestone the 12 week mark.... then apparently it gets easier

I have pretty much felt hungover ever day for the last three weeks and i can see that continuing so much fun...

i will keep updating you on how i am going but yeah.. J and i are having a sproglet

ahhhh relaxed

Well today is the first time i have felt relaxed for such a long time and god it is sooo nice.

I am still on the TTC train but i was turning into a mental nutcase so i decided, no OPk's for me, i will temp but that is it... oh and i will have sex... lol gotta have that to fall pregnant really dont you

anyway that is all for now...

my visit to the Chinese health practioner

Well my body is officially bust :)

Well not all of it just my kidneys apparently, they are a little sluggish, which in turn makes everything a bit slower in my body, including my menstrual cycle (hmm makes that baby making a hard job doesnt it) so had my first acupuncture today which was interesting but i think that it will all help

I just want to stop stressing about the whole thing really as that more than anything is doing my head in!!! But again that is easy said than done isnt it!!!!

Getting a reality check

Ok~~~~~ let it be known, i can be a little bit of a negative ninny sometimes and this TTC stuff has brought that out in me... i tend to be negative at the start and the end of my cycles and in the middle i am all good (hormones i suppose)

Anyway sometimes you need reality checks in life and a lovely girl i know in a beautiful kind way gave me one!!!! Some of my other friends have attempted but no i am to blind to see these things sometimes.

Ok my story as mentioned before is that i fell pregnant on my honeymoon and then lost the baby in a missed miscarriage six weeks later! I fell pregnant, me and hubby made a baby!! WE have been back trying again for three months (well three cycles mine are a bit long) and it is only now that i think that my body is getting back to normal, my skin has settled down , my hair is not falling out as much as it was (i would brush it and clumps would come out) so you know what maybe this month is really it, my baby will come to me and stick this time!!!

Well my lovely friend in a round about way made me come to this conclusion so i want to send out a massive hug to her and say girl... you are a good friend, i hope that even though our friendship has been forged online that it stays strong, through our journeys that we both will have!!!!

Libxo

Still on the TTC train

Hi readers (i dont think i have any ;) )

Well for those that dont know what TTC is, it is trying to concieve.. yup thats right j and i want little libby's and little J's!!!!

And boy it does your head in, but i think what does my head in more is people telling me to relax it will happen... well der relaxing would help, but come on who truelly totally relaxed while trying for kids!!!!! Except for those who werent trying and fell pregnant!!!!!

So we missed the boat again last month, (two months of missing the boat now good work libby) But i am actually ok with (alright i had a teary moment at work but that doesnt count) i am looking at the postives, i can play soccer for a little longer, i can save a little bit more money, j and i can get our heads around being parents for a little longer as well!!!! I think that is the most important one because havng babies changes your life doesnt it!!!

So onto something that isnt baby related... well i love all my friends but i am the agony aunt (not that i mind actually it is nice that they trust me) J thinks it is cute and he said to me the other night, do you ring and talk about me to them.... NO is the answer i dont really have anything to talk about him..

J is working shift work now, it isnt that bad and the shifts are workable so i dont mind, i think it annoys me more when he is still in bed while i am getting ready for work, i am angling for him to get up and make me lunch on those days.. hasnt worked so far!!!!

Work is work and i still enjoy it, in fact i enjoy it more this year than i did last, there was so much going on, like getting married and more responsibilities that i just didnt feel like i could sit back and take it all in like i have this year..... I love being married tho, and i all honesty it isnt that much different to when we werent married, cept now he is my husband and i am his wife (i still get excited when i use the word ;) ) We are trying really hard with t he communicating thing as i think we need to keep that going!!!! I have learnt from past mistakes with him and with D...

Talking about D he gets married in a month!!! Weird that we are all getting married and stuff!!!! All our friends are going and i think i feel a little sad that his wife to be and D are not as good friends as we should be ( i mean it didnt end that badly) makes it extra hard that all our friends are still mutual and to be honest i feel like i am missing out on heaps of fun!!! and that kinda sucks... but what can you do!!! I guess it is because i just feel like i am not really part of the group anymore (well i am but it just not the same) and i miss that (not often but i do)

hmmm needed to get that out, glad i did!!!!

Ok that is me for now!!!

Lib xoxo

Oh the journey of making a baby

Sooooo i always thought that making a baby for me would not be a straight forward easy event!! !i mean i was so suprised when we fell last time that i didnt beleive it for a week or so and even then it was still a bit sureal.. but that baby wasnt meant to be

So now we try for baby number 2 (there was a first baby afterall) and it is proving to be a little harder... i mean we have only really tried for one cycle ( which equals almost two of normal peoples cycles) we are on cycle number two and it is driving me batty... i just enjoy the process from conception to birth!!! i am really looking forward to getting a belly and feeling the kicks and everything that everyone talks about!!! i just want that little life to grow from me and then see them grow into fantastic adults

Ahhhhhhhhhh i want to enjoy the baby making process just as much too... and all this ttc just does your head in!!!!! I mean why cant all women just fall pregnant first go, it just doesnt make sense that women have to go through so much to be mums and then women who dont want kids... and are not great parents, reproduce like it is going out of fashion... and then i see 17 year olds pregnant and ready pop!!!! Im not old to start trying i am only 28 but our ancestors had baby at such a young age, it was not uncommon to see 25 year olds with an estbalished family of five or more!!!

Hmmmm i just googled the name isabel and it is the variation of elizabeth my name, it is a meant be to be name for my daughter (when i have one) i have always wanted isabel as a name and never knew why!!!! Weird hey

Flat as a pancake

Thats me i am flat.... flat... flat.... flat... my mood that is.

This whole TTC thing is doing my head in, i just had my mumma over and we were chatting and she told me how she is sad about the miscarriage too and she really is and then i realised i am not gonna be trully happy until i am holding my baby in my arms....... or at least showing my big pregnant belly to the world...

I have never wanted something so badly in my life i mean i want this so badly it almost hurts... and my husband J well i really dont know what i would do with out him i love him so very much he is so understanding and loving and i love him so very much........

I want to post in here that i got my BFP that i am pregnant that the baby is sticking i want to post all of those super duper postive things that i really want in my life... i am trying to visualise it all happening for us again i really do

Sorry this is such a downer blog.... i even had a sicky today cause my throat hurt but just as much cause i am so flat i would have just yelled at my kids and been a mean teacher and they dont deserve that at all :)

Memories

I dont know why but while shaving my legs in the shower all these memories of my life as a young adult (20-24) came flooding back, it was a pretty crappy time of my life. My Ex and i broke up three times in this time (two of those we got back together) and all the while he was in love with another chick... who he is now marrying in two months!!!! I was just remembering some of the shite they put me through once they got together...

It was just hell at the time and really not a nice time for any of us... the hardest bit was that she had an issue with ex partners and always had, so even though we had been friends we werent anymore, this was hard as all my friends were there friends and to do stuff together i had to see them! We were young and i do wonder if it happened now would we have behaved the same way, would it have been so angsty!!!

Recently a friend of mine uninvited her friend cause her ex was gonna be there and i just thought about what had happened to me! I mean people do it to avoid conflict but in reality it does make for the person being left out to be in a sad place... and the worst thing was that because i am not really friends with the other person when she came and bitched to be my about my friend i let her know what happened!!! Boy did i feel guilt for that afterwards when i remembered what i had been through!!!!

Arghhhh having a blog is so good for venting i actually feel better now!!!

I always get these feelings of guilt when i feel this way as i think why do i think of my past when my present and future are so good... i have a husband that adores me, good strong friendships up here and yet i still remember the past!!! I guess you can forget your past and must learn from it!!!

Blah blah blah

Thats how i am feeling today just bloody blah blah blah

Everything that can go wrong is going wrong, i am over obsessing which is common for me when i am feeling blah... i have a huge zit like thing on my chin that hurts and wont go away. I am over work and it is week three. And to top it off i am not pregnant so there is no real explanation why i feel so bloody blah

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i just feel like shite and i want to feel better and i dont!!!

And my husband is being weird to so we are both feeling blah

And my little puppy has got a sollen foot cause her mummy cant get seeds off her so off to the vet to get her all fixed....

man i hate this week

So i did a cheapy test this morning and it was a negative... i am a little bit sad, a little bit dissappointed... so i am gonna go out and buy a more sensitive test and then i am going to also buy a BBT and start temping..

But i am also gonna try and not obsess so much :) i think that has been a bit of a barrier in the whole process... i mean i think stress makes it more likely that it aint gonna happen.... ok so now how do i stop obsessing over it :) ........

Testing day tommorow

So tommorow is testing day..... yup gonna find out if the baby dust and the bding and all the good luck vibes i have been getting work....

My gut feeling is that they havent but gut feelings have been proved wrong!!!!

My tummy keeps doing flip flops from left to right everytime i think about it.... it is the scariest thing to do.... but i dont know why i mean if i am not pregnant then we will keep on trying, simple really thats not that to hard of a concept to get.

I am glad that i share a staffroom with all boys at work as it has kept my mind off it a little bit. The only time i think of it is at night and the afternoons and if i am not pregnant i will lay off the maternal website for a little while until we are trying again.

Saying that the women on there are the best. I would not have got through any of this if it hadnt have been for them, they have made the whole process so much easier

Off to work, but i dont wanna

I love my job really (im a teacher) but today i just cant be bothered. I am in a state of nervousness that i cant shake, i want sunday to arrive to see if AF does but i dont want to get my hopes up!!!!

Arghhh why cant your body just be pregnant without all the stress to get there!!!!!

Ok i really must go and get ready for work, i am hungry too :)

Hmmmm my first post

So i wanted to have a blog that i could share with my family and my friends (online and RL). Something that i can show to my future children.

I want my future children see the journey that me and thier daddy took to get them here on this earth. I also want a place to put my thoughts my boring every day activities, i guess another outlet for my busy little mind...

So where did my journey start.... i met J my husband four years ago, he is the man i had been waiting for.. my ex D was not a bad guy but there was something missing, when i met J i found that... and although our road to love hasnt been smooth we got thier and married October 2007

We feel pregnant with our little angel on the honeymoon, i will never forget J's reaction when i told him....

J - "what do two pink lines mean"
Me - that i am pregnant
J- OH well i am gonna finish gettin ready

not the response i had been looking for, but he came around!!!

But this bubba wasnt meant to be and i had a dandc on the 5th of December 2007.... Being that i am the queen of i'll be right i said i'll be right, guess what i wasnt...Lucky i am a teacher and had six weeks to myself recovering....

Well i said we were gonna wait to try but no i am also not very patient, so we started trying this cycle.... OH MY GOD. I hate the two week wait (and for all my fellow TTCers you will know what that is )

Talk about reading into every symptom my body has i mean come on.. My back is hurting... oh i must be pregnant... i feel sick oh i must be pregnant... my boobs dont hurt, well i cant be pregnant. It is doing my head in at the moment, but i am not driving hubby mad, yet (wait till this weekend) just all my friends on Maternal :) love you girls xoxox

So i have to wait till sunday to test, my last period was 28 days on saturday so if it doesnt turn up by then i will be testing, i am freaking out, i just want to know but if it comes i know i will be depressed. Why oh why does holding that baby in my arms have to such a stressfull journey