SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i am utd

Yup little bean is growing strong

and mummy is freaking the hell out... oh my god i am having a baby this weekend it is just all starting to feel real and to be honest it is scarying the absolute shit out of me :)

We have seen the little heart beating away all my bloods came back looking good, i have had no worries, no bleeding (crossing fingers it stays that way) and now i am just waiting for the next milestone the 12 week mark.... then apparently it gets easier

I have pretty much felt hungover ever day for the last three weeks and i can see that continuing so much fun...

i will keep updating you on how i am going but yeah.. J and i are having a sproglet

ahhhh relaxed

Well today is the first time i have felt relaxed for such a long time and god it is sooo nice.

I am still on the TTC train but i was turning into a mental nutcase so i decided, no OPk's for me, i will temp but that is it... oh and i will have sex... lol gotta have that to fall pregnant really dont you

anyway that is all for now...

my visit to the Chinese health practioner

Well my body is officially bust :)

Well not all of it just my kidneys apparently, they are a little sluggish, which in turn makes everything a bit slower in my body, including my menstrual cycle (hmm makes that baby making a hard job doesnt it) so had my first acupuncture today which was interesting but i think that it will all help

I just want to stop stressing about the whole thing really as that more than anything is doing my head in!!! But again that is easy said than done isnt it!!!!

Getting a reality check

Ok~~~~~ let it be known, i can be a little bit of a negative ninny sometimes and this TTC stuff has brought that out in me... i tend to be negative at the start and the end of my cycles and in the middle i am all good (hormones i suppose)

Anyway sometimes you need reality checks in life and a lovely girl i know in a beautiful kind way gave me one!!!! Some of my other friends have attempted but no i am to blind to see these things sometimes.

Ok my story as mentioned before is that i fell pregnant on my honeymoon and then lost the baby in a missed miscarriage six weeks later! I fell pregnant, me and hubby made a baby!! WE have been back trying again for three months (well three cycles mine are a bit long) and it is only now that i think that my body is getting back to normal, my skin has settled down , my hair is not falling out as much as it was (i would brush it and clumps would come out) so you know what maybe this month is really it, my baby will come to me and stick this time!!!

Well my lovely friend in a round about way made me come to this conclusion so i want to send out a massive hug to her and say girl... you are a good friend, i hope that even though our friendship has been forged online that it stays strong, through our journeys that we both will have!!!!

Libxo

Still on the TTC train

Hi readers (i dont think i have any ;) )

Well for those that dont know what TTC is, it is trying to concieve.. yup thats right j and i want little libby's and little J's!!!!

And boy it does your head in, but i think what does my head in more is people telling me to relax it will happen... well der relaxing would help, but come on who truelly totally relaxed while trying for kids!!!!! Except for those who werent trying and fell pregnant!!!!!

So we missed the boat again last month, (two months of missing the boat now good work libby) But i am actually ok with (alright i had a teary moment at work but that doesnt count) i am looking at the postives, i can play soccer for a little longer, i can save a little bit more money, j and i can get our heads around being parents for a little longer as well!!!! I think that is the most important one because havng babies changes your life doesnt it!!!

So onto something that isnt baby related... well i love all my friends but i am the agony aunt (not that i mind actually it is nice that they trust me) J thinks it is cute and he said to me the other night, do you ring and talk about me to them.... NO is the answer i dont really have anything to talk about him..

J is working shift work now, it isnt that bad and the shifts are workable so i dont mind, i think it annoys me more when he is still in bed while i am getting ready for work, i am angling for him to get up and make me lunch on those days.. hasnt worked so far!!!!

Work is work and i still enjoy it, in fact i enjoy it more this year than i did last, there was so much going on, like getting married and more responsibilities that i just didnt feel like i could sit back and take it all in like i have this year..... I love being married tho, and i all honesty it isnt that much different to when we werent married, cept now he is my husband and i am his wife (i still get excited when i use the word ;) ) We are trying really hard with t he communicating thing as i think we need to keep that going!!!! I have learnt from past mistakes with him and with D...

Talking about D he gets married in a month!!! Weird that we are all getting married and stuff!!!! All our friends are going and i think i feel a little sad that his wife to be and D are not as good friends as we should be ( i mean it didnt end that badly) makes it extra hard that all our friends are still mutual and to be honest i feel like i am missing out on heaps of fun!!! and that kinda sucks... but what can you do!!! I guess it is because i just feel like i am not really part of the group anymore (well i am but it just not the same) and i miss that (not often but i do)

hmmm needed to get that out, glad i did!!!!

Ok that is me for now!!!

Lib xoxo

Oh the journey of making a baby

Sooooo i always thought that making a baby for me would not be a straight forward easy event!! !i mean i was so suprised when we fell last time that i didnt beleive it for a week or so and even then it was still a bit sureal.. but that baby wasnt meant to be

So now we try for baby number 2 (there was a first baby afterall) and it is proving to be a little harder... i mean we have only really tried for one cycle ( which equals almost two of normal peoples cycles) we are on cycle number two and it is driving me batty... i just enjoy the process from conception to birth!!! i am really looking forward to getting a belly and feeling the kicks and everything that everyone talks about!!! i just want that little life to grow from me and then see them grow into fantastic adults

Ahhhhhhhhhh i want to enjoy the baby making process just as much too... and all this ttc just does your head in!!!!! I mean why cant all women just fall pregnant first go, it just doesnt make sense that women have to go through so much to be mums and then women who dont want kids... and are not great parents, reproduce like it is going out of fashion... and then i see 17 year olds pregnant and ready pop!!!! Im not old to start trying i am only 28 but our ancestors had baby at such a young age, it was not uncommon to see 25 year olds with an estbalished family of five or more!!!

Hmmmm i just googled the name isabel and it is the variation of elizabeth my name, it is a meant be to be name for my daughter (when i have one) i have always wanted isabel as a name and never knew why!!!! Weird hey

Flat as a pancake

Thats me i am flat.... flat... flat.... flat... my mood that is.

This whole TTC thing is doing my head in, i just had my mumma over and we were chatting and she told me how she is sad about the miscarriage too and she really is and then i realised i am not gonna be trully happy until i am holding my baby in my arms....... or at least showing my big pregnant belly to the world...

I have never wanted something so badly in my life i mean i want this so badly it almost hurts... and my husband J well i really dont know what i would do with out him i love him so very much he is so understanding and loving and i love him so very much........

I want to post in here that i got my BFP that i am pregnant that the baby is sticking i want to post all of those super duper postive things that i really want in my life... i am trying to visualise it all happening for us again i really do

Sorry this is such a downer blog.... i even had a sicky today cause my throat hurt but just as much cause i am so flat i would have just yelled at my kids and been a mean teacher and they dont deserve that at all :)